I need help removing her.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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