i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
