There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize