I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize