Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize