just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
