Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
