you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
COCAINE IS GR8
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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