I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
