Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
