Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
