So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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