Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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