Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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