I wish i was in the wii world.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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