it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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