OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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