So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who put my cat in the fridge?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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