And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
