Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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