I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
