we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
