Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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