I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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