You can't motorboat a personality
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
