i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
its liver damage thursday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
