we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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