So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
