Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
