did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Holy shit dude........stairs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
