I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
