I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
