Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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