How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize