I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
