You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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