just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
