They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
