I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
