I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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