in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
