hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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