Little spoons don't ask big questions
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
