it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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