DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
