You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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