I wanna bring you to show and tell
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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