I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
