Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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