Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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