I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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