i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
