That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
