STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
