he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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