Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
