The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
