Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
do nipples grow back?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
