my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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