my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
