Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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