I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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