Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
