Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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