I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
