there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
