The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
