Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
