She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
