Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
