im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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