i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
