how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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